Dream, the night before my interview

UPDATE 7/19: I forgot one of the best parts of the dream!!!!! As we walked around on our second date, bonding, I find out that he has a dog. A Border Collie. (Now, you have to know that I am wary about Border Collies because they are soooo high-energy and need a lot of interaction with their owners, or they usually are neurotic and uncontrollable and I think that's just exhausting. Another big part of this is that the breed has been far overbred, resulting in a lot of small, runty, unstable pups who are raised in tiny apartments or homes without any outlets. I am however, a fan of people who do train their Border Collies to do amazing, fun things like agility, flyball, herding, frisbee, etc.) So, I hear him say this, and I coach myself not to show that I am not thrilled about spending my time with a wack-o dog, who would also be very likely to terrorize Sean. But then he tells me that his dog is in a program that rescues killer whales, where the dogs swim beside the whales. The actual process of how they rescue the whales was not shown, but I saw - maybe he was showing me on his phone - a video of his black and white dog in the water with a water animal. The animal looked much more like a seal or otter than a killer whale, but you know how dreams are. Of course, I am STUNNED and so excited that he is 1) that into his dog, making us that much more compatible, 2) that he is involved in animal rescue, 3) that he helped train his dog to be part of the program! I am really impressed with his dog, too. 

Here is a dog whose natural psycho athletic abilities are aimed at a frisbee - wow!

Guess what? There are dogs who are involved in killer whale research! One was a special guest at a killer whale rescue fundraiser: ''We’re also delighted to feature Tucker, Seattle’s very own orca-poop-sniffing dog, as our keynote speaker who uses his keen sense of smell to help scientists learn more about Orcas.'' The dogs are called Conservation Canines! AND, here is a picture of a Border Collie Conservation Canine!
 Rescue Dogs

OK, this is long, but fun. I hope you hang in till the end. I want to dedicate this story to my star-crush and long fantasy storytelling heroine, Kristin Werner.  

Woman at Road Sign reading Inspiring Words -"It's Your Choice" - Fine Art Print 8x10


"It's Your Choice" by Danny Phillips


I dreamt that I was using a dating service, that was kind of like a reality show, too. They told me about a guy and asked if I wanted to meet him, and I did want to meet him. He sounded interesting. The service set him up with me and another woman they had chosen. We each would have a first date with him, and then he would choose if he wanted a second date with each of us (and if we wanted that). We were being filmed some as we prepped for the dates, and given beautiful, flattering, feminine flowing dresses and perfectly enhancing jewelry, hair styles, and makeup. I didn’t dream about the process of getting ready much, just that I felt that I looked as good as I get. The service set up the details of the date like where it would take place.

The other woman was a tall, slender brunette, in a vivid red dress in a light, layered, sheer chiffon kind of material. Even though I felt pretty good about myself, I felt that she was in another league - in looks, a knockout compared with an average jane - and that it was unlikely that he’d choose me over her because of that*. I was very aware that I was overweight, but wanted to at least give it a try in the small chance that he would want to go out with me again.

So, the guy ends up being Kevin James:
OK, in my dream, he wasn’t the Kevin James, the famous actor and comedian, he was a businessman who was very funny, and his name wasn’t Kevin James (I’m going to call him KJ, though, b/c I don’t remember what his name was). I really liked that he was round and cuddly looking like me, and that I felt small and petite with him. I liked his happy grin and humor, was attracted to him, and felt really comfortable with him. The ironic thing is that I have never thought a whole lot about Kevin James in my real life. It’s not like I’ve had a star-crush on him - you know, like with John Cusack (if he could lose the wacky beliefs and psychology he has). I’ve never dreamt of K.J. before that I remember. Weird, huh? Must be a side effect of enjoying ‘’Here Comes the Boom’’!

After our first date, I was really excited about a second date. I told the service I wanted a 2nd date. It got set up, and I was nervous. The details were that I was supposed to meet him at a hotel bar, that was easy to see from the hotel entrance, and then go on the date. It was in a big city I was unfamiliar with, in a huge fancy hotel, that was in a major shopping district, like the Miracle Mile in Chicago. When I got to the hotel, it was this sprawling multiplex like it was a mall on its own, with many major entrances and at least 3 bars!!!

I was frantically trying to figure out the right one, and they were so far from each other, and I was skittering on slick floors in my heels, getting more and more flustered. It got later and I was probably a half hour late by the time I got to the right place. He had been there and had waited for at least 15 minutes. I guess part of the reality show was that neither of us knew for sure if the other person was going to come for a 2nd date. That if the other person didn’t show, then they didn’t want to meet again. He’d been there with some of his closest friends as moral support and to meet me and give him their opinion of me (supposedly, this same scenario was going on with the other woman, too). The friends were still there, and they were pissed that I’d been a no show, and made him feel bad b/c he thought I didn’t like him and that I was rude to stand him up. They said he was gone, and said it like they were glad he hadn’t been strung along by a callous woman.

I was crushed, and so frustrated that I had done everything I could to get there, and that I DID want a second date!! I started to plead my case with the friends, that I hadn’t been playing with his emotions. I was going to ask them to please call him and let him know I hadn’t stood him up, and see if there was a chance to redeem the date.

Just when I was about to give up even trying to talk to them and go home in despair, the hotel’s glass and chrome door slid open, and KJ walked in, looking great in a dark suit, but his expression was wary and guarded. When we got close, I told him how sorry I was, that I’d been trying to get there forever, but the dating service hadn’t explained which entrance / which bar I was to go to, so I had to check all of them. When he heard that, he relaxed, and said, ‘’So you did want a second date, huh?’’ with a wry smile. I was able to relax, too, as his friends took in that he was okay and they could relax their protectiveness. (A lot of relaxing)

We left the hotel and were walking down the glossy street, lined with light globes and the energy of a place like that. We started talking about favorite places and I think Austin and Nashville were all mashed up in the dream, and we had a great time sharing and getting to know each other’s tastes and styles, and having things in common. I don’t remember a whole lot more of what we did, except that as we talked, I was drawn more and more to him, and felt giddy and got a big urge unexpectedly, to cuddle a little. I was surprised at myself, b/c (in the dream) I usually feel nervous about physical contact with guys and don’t go there quickly. I was beaming up at him and we were laughing a lot and just gelling so well. Without thinking, I reached out and put my hand on his arm and squeezed it affectionately. Then, I thought , oh, no! He’s going to take this as me being easy and good with going to bed with him that night. But, he put his arm around my waist and drew me close to his side, and teased me, saying, ‘’So, does this mean you’d like a kiss?’’

I thought, well, I’m not sure about a kiss yet, but a bit of cuddling, yes! I put my arm around him and squeezed back, and we both seemed to enjoy that the other person was squeezably soft (like Charmin!, hee hee), and we walked on, all warm and cozy.

Man, that turned out to be a fabulous dream! Now, where to find my cuddly teddy bear of a funny smart good guy... At least in my subconscious I found one.

And, the fight through adversity to get to a great date sure must be a good omen for the job I’m applying for, right?

*Ironically, I just looked up what K.J.’s real life wife looks like, 
and she IS a skinny (even when pregnant) knockout 
brunette in a red dress (at least in this picture):
oh, and here he is with another slender (though shapely!) knockout brunette:


This is a story about a calamity that befell our heroine in the very beginning of her day yesterday.

(image courtesy of Google search.)

Here is her account: ''First you need to know that my driveway sweeps up to a good size hill where it hits the street. Because the street is a dead end, there aren’t many passing cars. Almost zero. Which is good because when backing up in the morning, with frost on your windows, and trying to make sure you don’t run over any dog walkers, is pretty perilous. Making it more treacherous, there are low stone walls lining the driveway. They are only about a foot high on the left, but get higher on the right. Taking precautionary measures, I posted reflectors to the right side of the drive to help in lining up when it’s dark. Well, as you know, a combination of medication that makes me clumsy and even more coordination-challenged, early morning, and driving is already fraught with jaw-clenching danger. But I have backed up successfully in my driveway for a year, so that’s quite a star on my driving history.

Yesterday, however, I was more than usually dim, and the whole left side of the car was frosted up. It wasn’t enough to spray ice melt, but was enough so I couldn’t see well on that side. I must have overcorrected on the right side to be sure I had enough room on the left. As I reached the end of the driveway, I was at a roughly 30% angle, and when I swung my back end around, my driver’s side front tire hit the stone wall…and went over it.

I was stuck with one tire hanging over the wall. This was the first calamity.

I was sure my poor car was toast. But I maintained a good attitude. That’s a miracle right there! I called a co-worker who picked me up and took me to work, and I called the ever wonderful Hank, my friend and landlord, to see if he could get the car off the wall. He has a nice big truck with a winch. Later on that day, he called and said it was in the driveway and seemed okay. That was very exciting!

But, okay, let’s face it, a 16 year old car with 210K miles on it, needs maintenance, and I’d planned to take in this week for an oil change and alignment, and check on hoses and belts etc. This morning I dropped it off at a reputable garage near work. The good news is the undercarriage is okay! I don’t know how that is possible! The bad news is that I have many oil leaks and the oil is getting on the timing belt which is a big no-no according to the mechanic. And if he fixes the oil leaks that are getting on the belt, and replace the timing belt, he has to replace the water pump at the same time. Estimate = $1500+ He asked me, “are you prepared to make that kind of investment in your car, with it being this old?” Answer – ‘’no’’ – this was the second calamity. I am taking it to another garage to get another opinion tonight, and the story will continue.'' -- CalamaTina

Different Sorts of Hard

There are different sorts of hard. Answering someone's blanket goodwill question ''How are you doing?'' or, ''How are things going?'' is often not so simple as a blanket ''good'' or ''bad''. Take this week for example. Work was very busy, with lots of deadlines and some major shifts mid-week that made re-doing a lot of work necessary. But, it has been satisfying to work hard on these projects, and the office atmosphere and my mood about work was positive overall - point positive. Outside of work, I've been having enough good time with friends recently so I've getting enough social interaction - point positive.  

The ''hard'' part was that since Sunday, I've had migraine.

 The first one Sunday came on quick and hard, but I made it through teaching the kids at Sunday school during the last service at church just barely, and was able to rest most of the afternoon. It was still with me when I went to bed, and I stayed home Monday trying to recover. I don't know why this happens, but I will get strings of days where the migraine just won't go fully away, though the intensity may vary throughout the day. I get worn down by struggling to work normally when the migraine is unremitting. By the fourth day of it, Wednesday, I had to work hard not to snap at people, and I let the two women I work most closely know that I was struggling because of the pain and effects of the migraine, and asked their patience. Thursday morning was worse, and today was worse yet. My face, head, and neck muscles and pressure points ache and pulse and radiate heat. For several hours, any scent I encountered overwhelmed, voices clanged, walking downstairs dizzied my eyes, I had to marshall my forces to talk loudly enough to sound normal, my eyes flinched away from the small light given off an overcast sky, and smiling felt like carving a richtered deathmask.

As people asked me about my plans for the holiday weekend, and how the week had been, I mainly told the truth. That the week had been difficult because of migraines, and that I was hoping I could enjoy the holiday and not continue feeling sick. But, otherwise, things were going well, and I had a three day weekend to look forward to!

Often, I'm having a hard time because I'm lonely, full of angst, or have been upset by something that's happened. But, at the moment, I'm calm and my mind is at peace. It's the body that is not able to rest, that's not able to feel well and whole. It is a different sort of hard, being happy with things in the main, but at the same time to have this ever-mindful pain and discomfort.

I have a list of hopeful things I want to take care of this weekend. Maybe I will get to. Or, I may be stuck laying down with ice packs. Sometimes, I wish I had a set of visible gauges for people to see. One for how I'm doing emotionally, one socially, one spiritually, one physically (am I forgetting some?). Each would have a ''color'' thermometer running from grass green - fantastic! - through the shades to warning yellow - ailing but limping along - and all the way down to glaring red - emergency! And maybe also a kind of battery life indicator showing how long the current status has been going on or how much longer that state can be maintained before collapsing. Maybe then, this system could spit out a number averaging all my dashboards, to be the answer to how I'm doing, or how the week's been. It would report something like ''Tina's a 7.7 with 2 days till low power followed in 24 hours by desolation''.


Migraine Awareness Month #6 : Name That Tune!

I'm taking part in a 1-month blogging challenge from Health Central's migraine group. Today's blog - choose a migraine disease theme song. 

Annie Lennox's ''Walking on Broken Glass'' is my bad migraine theme song. I have to tread so softly, barely move, and no matter how careful I am, my mind is shredded by the shards.

or view at http://youtu.be/uS-vGDbb70w

National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.

Hats Make Me Happy

Hats Make Me Happy
An Easter Hat and Me

Step into my inner world.

Sometimes, I hesitate to share thoughts that flit and emotions that surge and wane. Yet I so value when my friends share these insights with me. I get to know them in a special way.

So I invite you to get to know me - or continue knowing me - through this space of exploration.

I promise to reveal some of the joys, fears, observations, profundity, and ironies of life that come to mind day by day.

Don't forget to share with me your own inner sphere!

"To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting." - e.e. cummings