So, on the very last day of this month, this little girl turns 39.

This is a cause for celebration. Although many women dread nearing 40, and of course, I do feel some of that, there is also elation. Despite my health struggles with migraines and depression, this 39 year-old body has made it to this point cancer-free! Mom had just turned 39 a month and a half before she died of stage IV breast cancer, after a long three year battle. I am not sure how old my grandmother was when she died of ovarian cancer, but she was young, too. So, I want to embrace this year knowing that it represents a summit in my family history that I am okay so far!

It has been freeing to get here, and know I still have time here on Earth. Most of my adult life, I've felt like there is a shelf life tag on me somewhere that says I won't get to 40. That put a lot of pressure on me to make a lasting impact as soon as possible, and a lot of frustration when plans went awry. But now, I have this gift - I don't know how long I'll get to be here, or in what state of health ups and downs. But what I'm dealing with is do-able. It is limiting, but do-able. I can still enjoy so many things, can still learn so many things, can improve on so many things I want to do.

I hope there will be time -
to visit Ireland and England with Natalija, and hear real Irish music in its own country
to be around horses again and become a stronger person, so I can ride comfortably and confidently
to explore mixed media art / collage and get my ideas expressed
to spend special vacations with dear friends
to hike in many enchanted forests and sun-studded lanes
to go to a Josh Ritter concert...in Ireland

There are other dreams I have, but these are some of my tops.

Happy 39th to me!

(Happy 65th to Mom - you would have been a beautiful retiree; and Happy Mother's Day. I'm sure it's a pretty spectacular day in heaven.)


Martha May 12, 2012 at 12:35 AM  

That is beautiful Tina! I can relate a bit, I really really hope to grow old. I embrace my gray hairs because it means I am still alive! Happy Birthday sweet friend! I don't know if I'll have access then, so I'll wish you now :). Love you!

Anonymous May 12, 2012 at 9:41 PM  

yay! congrats on life. And Martha will be in the US for your birthday unless she decides to just sail around the world and not get off the boat. :oP -michele

Juli May 13, 2012 at 12:12 PM  

Yay! May celebrations abound! The world is more beautiful because God dreamed you into being!

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