Celebrating

So, on the very last day of this month, this little girl turns 39.

This is a cause for celebration. Although many women dread nearing 40, and of course, I do feel some of that, there is also elation. Despite my health struggles with migraines and depression, this 39 year-old body has made it to this point cancer-free! Mom had just turned 39 a month and a half before she died of stage IV breast cancer, after a long three year battle. I am not sure how old my grandmother was when she died of ovarian cancer, but she was young, too. So, I want to embrace this year knowing that it represents a summit in my family history that I am okay so far!

It has been freeing to get here, and know I still have time here on Earth. Most of my adult life, I've felt like there is a shelf life tag on me somewhere that says I won't get to 40. That put a lot of pressure on me to make a lasting impact as soon as possible, and a lot of frustration when plans went awry. But now, I have this gift - I don't know how long I'll get to be here, or in what state of health ups and downs. But what I'm dealing with is do-able. It is limiting, but do-able. I can still enjoy so many things, can still learn so many things, can improve on so many things I want to do.

I hope there will be time -
to visit Ireland and England with Natalija, and hear real Irish music in its own country
to be around horses again and become a stronger person, so I can ride comfortably and confidently
to explore mixed media art / collage and get my ideas expressed
to spend special vacations with dear friends
to hike in many enchanted forests and sun-studded lanes
to go to a Josh Ritter concert...in Ireland

There are other dreams I have, but these are some of my tops.

Happy 39th to me!

(Happy 65th to Mom - you would have been a beautiful retiree; and Happy Mother's Day. I'm sure it's a pretty spectacular day in heaven.)



3 comments:

Martha May 12, 2012 at 12:35 AM  

That is beautiful Tina! I can relate a bit, I really really hope to grow old. I embrace my gray hairs because it means I am still alive! Happy Birthday sweet friend! I don't know if I'll have access then, so I'll wish you now :). Love you!

Anonymous May 12, 2012 at 9:41 PM  

yay! congrats on life. And Martha will be in the US for your birthday unless she decides to just sail around the world and not get off the boat. :oP -michele

Juli May 13, 2012 at 12:12 PM  

Yay! May celebrations abound! The world is more beautiful because God dreamed you into being!

Hats Make Me Happy

Hats Make Me Happy
An Easter Hat and Me

Step into my inner world.

Sometimes, I hesitate to share thoughts that flit and emotions that surge and wane. Yet I so value when my friends share these insights with me. I get to know them in a special way.

So I invite you to get to know me - or continue knowing me - through this space of exploration.

I promise to reveal some of the joys, fears, observations, profundity, and ironies of life that come to mind day by day.

Don't forget to share with me your own inner sphere!

"To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting." - e.e. cummings