Grudge

Grudge

4/12/12

These trails I keep retracing
Are now churned thick with mud

step by step I'm circling the same bitter thoughts     

winding over the bitter in my painful years

My feet are sore and my throat is aching

to get off this graceless climb

but the mantle of remembrance capes

my shoulders, shadows my journey;
yes, I still hold a grudge

People I know seem to think

I can toss it off with a grin & a shrug;
Come back to my younger self
welcoming all, sure good would win
That girl's gone -
She can't come back
The holy spirit can't reanimate her bones

no, I still hold a grudge

even if she could awaken, I can't go back to her

soft and unprotected skin

so vulnerable to environmental damage and dismay

How will I portent the dangers lurking 'round the bend?
I need all my wits about me

I already learn so slow
I'd like them to acknowledge,

forgetting doesn't smooth the scars;

it doesn't cure the bitter aches

of disappointed, squalid dreams

No. So I still hold a grudge

Watches

Watches

5-29-09

do you suppose
on the day
man fell
God gave man
a watch
as well as clothes?
because
time
--with it's deadlines
and 'be there' and 'do this'
and 'go now' mandates
and meeting starts
& never ends
all its artificiality
(surely just as put on as clothing) --
was part of the curse.
because
--when i come home
and
rest
free from demands made
free from performance reviewage
free of expectations upon me
where i am supposed
to be
superman
--
i strip off
my watch
and my clothes
close my eyes
breathe slow
scratch
unmentionable places
and feel
the curse slip away
for the next few hours.

*note: my poetry is usually formatted, but I can't arrange it in blogger.