Secrets and Celebrations

Coming alive again at Christmas

2011-12-24T14:04:00.005-06:00

A week ago, I moved into a new house, and into a new season of life. My environment impacts me emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually. I know that many people aren't like this. They are impervious to external influences. But the very senses that jump at beauty and color, that invigorate with art and music and culture, that drive to organize, are equally struck dumb by the bleak, dreary, wan and unfixable.

In the Dickensian, tenement-like apartment I lived in for the past year, I felt my faculties shutting down in a drowning disappointment. I retreated into a cave of TV shows and movies to medicate the pain of having to live so poorly.

The possibility of moving into this house at first was a rainbow-sheened bubble thrown out by friends that I was afraid to hope in. When they mentioned it over and again, each time, I let myself have a little more excitement that it could happen. But I didn't want to believe it was really available until the moving plans became set.

Now, as I am surrounded in boxes and beginning to settle into this lovely, generous, happy home, my heart is coming alive out of the numbness. I am keyed up with excitement and possibilities.

I find my hurt heart also responding to God in this season of His love made flesh. The hurt and ache and inability to make sense of things is still there. But there is a stubborn thread tying that same heart to His, longing to feel secure in Him again, longing to know He is who He says He is, desperate to rest in the promises He gives that I have (almost) given up on as life doles out so much pain. Tears are close to the surface, but they are tears of a heart that is still alive and seeking her Savior. I am thankful for that strong thread. It is not anything I have done. It is a piece of me God placed there. I can no longer think that I see more clearly than an agnostic or atheist. "but for the grace of God, there go I'' - I understand now that my makeup from birth included this thread, and that is not the case for all. It is nothing I can take credit for or feel superior about, as I know I have done in the past. The poverty of spirit I've had the past years has taught me that much humility anyway. This is a digression though. What I am sharing about is the joy of feeling a stirring of hope and joy and blessedness again, of His word having some solace and interest again to me, of reading thoughts of others on this journey and wanting to proclaim them to all my friends as messages of towering visions of truth-and-hope in our darkness.

I went to McKay's used bookstore on Thursday and found myself there for 3 hours, maybe 4. So many books were speaking to me, or speaking to me about friends. I found a slim book of poems about Christmas, Kneeling in Bethlehem, by Ann Weems. I hadn't heard of Ann Weems before. But when I cracked open the volume randomly, I was caught up immediately. This $3 gift to myself is so rich; I want to write about 10 of the poems to friends! Let me share this very short one with you that especially brought the quick sting of tears and the ache for Him:

Yesterday's Pain

Some of us walk into Advent
tethered to our unresolved yesterdays
the pain still stabbing
the hurt still throbbing.
It's not that we don't know better,
it's just that we can't stand up anymore by ourselves.
On the way to Bethlehem,
will you give us a hand?

--Ann Weems

Merry Christmas dear friends.

Nights with Rogan

2011-02-01T17:38:00.004-06:00

I wish I was good at taking pictures of my pets. But even if I were, I wouldn't be able to take a picture of the feline slinky that is my new cat, Rogan, at night. And cats are so hard to capture while they are relaxed and before they give you that evil glare.

Rogan is a long, lanky teenager. He is all of six pounds for all his length, so when I pick him up, it's amazing how light he is. Like most male teenagers, he can't eat often enough. He is pretty convinced he needs to eat every two hours. On the weekends, I give him many lectures on patience. But, because he's so into food, he is easy to teach tricks! He very quickly mastered standing up and reaching for the bowl before I put it down at night. Now, he'll stand up and tap my hand if I'm just holding a single piece of food. I'm working on teaching him to sit. I don't even have to use special treats - just his normal kibble works fine!

When I go to bed, he often jumps right up with me, and as soon as the light is out and I'm on my back, he delicately steps over the puffy down comforter to find my chest. At first, he stands on my, and I rub his sides and pet l-o-n-g strokes from his neck to his rump. His purr is a big rumble. Then, he relaxes to sitting. I like this step to go quickly, as his front paws can put a bit too much pressure on me. But I rub his neck a lot - he loves the area below his collar to be rubbed - and keep on petting him. As I get sleepy and still my hands, he relaxes to laying fully down, his head only inches from my chin, and it feels so snuggly. I just end up cupping his sides with my hands and feeling him purring while I relax too.

It usually takes me about half an hour to fall asleep, and this process is a great way to get myself to relax and calm down. Sometimes, I actually fall asleep on my back with Rogan laying on top of me! But most of the time, after about 15 minutes, I roll over to my side slowly, holding him so he doesn't fall, and then let him go his way. Though sometimes, he jumps back up and balances himself on my side! One night, as he was perched on my side, he fully relaxed and set his chin on my shoulder. It was the sweetest moment. Wouldn't that have been such a fun picture?!

I don't usually feel him again all night, though he's usually somewhere on the bed curled up.

BUT, as soon as the alarm goes off, he begins pattering over me and across me and putting his face very close to me and mewing, and sometimes, even tapping my face very quickly and very gently with one paw ''hello? Food? Remember food? let's go!''

He's pretty put out when I hit the snooze button.

And once I get up, the urgency hits a much greater level. I usually head straight to the bathroom, so he keeps up his routine of coming in and out of the bathroom, unable to sit still, urgently mewing and murmuring for food.

Luckily, he doesn't have a loud or piercing meow. I talk back with him, and finally feed him, and he tackles his dish like he's been starving. Then, he's happy as a clam, perched on the arm of a stuffed chair where he can look out the window, his morning post.

It's so good to have a cat in one's life. A good cat. A sweet cat with tilted up green eyes, who is all pink and orange and white. Who will one day learn to love having the base of his ears kissed, where the fur is sooooo soft and warm and tender.

Quotes from a good book

2011-01-07T15:04:00.005-06:00

I just finished reading A Life of Being, Having, and Doing Enough by Wayne Muller. One of my friends had read other books by this author and when I looked up his books at the library, they had this one. And what an intriguing title.

It is a collection of thoughts on this title, and the chapters are short, so the nuggets are easy to digest.

Here are some quotes from the book I resonated with - maybe they will be good for you, too.

After Hurricane Katrina, the author got together with people who had helped in many ways to meet the needs left in the wake of its devastation.

So we huddled together in a circle, something humans do when we know nothing else has helped, and listened together. We listened for some voice, or grace, or gift to be born in our company. ''Where two or more are gathered,'' said Jesus, the spirit quickens, softening one another's hardness of heart until tears, like the water that had brought such death and destruction, could slowly, tentatively, trickle into some soil where some living thing may one day again -- not now, not soon, but one day -- with the grace of a billion angels, possibly grow into something beautiful, necessary, true.

One man who had dedicated his life to helping the poor and needy wept and confessed: ''I'm so afraid that I haven't done anything with my life that has any value at all.''

He felt he had been a failure... This reveals one of the deepest confusions that lodges in our heart. We offer what we can, do waht we are able -- and, in the end, whatever we have given, healed, done, created, fixed, and given birth, somehow it never, ever feels like enough. Worse still, the feeling leeches into tissue and bone so deep that we ourselves begin to believe that the gift of our best and most loving presence adn attention, our own intrinsic worth as friends, parents, neighbors, our value as colleagues, citizens, helpers, or kind-hearted people, is doomed to feel somehow never good enough.

Regarding our fast paced living:

Every emotional state elicits in us a certain amount of confusion, denial, understanding, acceptance, and recognition. Some experiences, such as intense grief, can take years to fully digest. Love, friendship, trust, all these need time, and a great deal of it, before the heart can truly be able to know what it knows.

I felt that one to my core - so many times, I have tried to rush relationships, and rush my judgements of people's characters, and rush my approval of them on all levels, and then later come to regret that hurry. On the other hand, there are some people who I dearly wish I could know better. But they do not have the time to give to our friendship. So we operate in a kind of assumptive state - ''I assume you are a great friend, even though I don't know you well, and will likely never get to know you well''. Yet this is tiring, because the good, life-giving marrow of a friendship is in the knowing each other well, at least in some arenas. I long to have unhurried time with these friends, to go deep and be bound together in the mystery of friendship. But instead we have a temporary bond, that can be broken quickly if one of us is unable to commit even the scant amount of time we have had before to the relationship.

The whole small chapter entitled Dishonest Kindness is soooo good.

Linked with the thoughts from that chapter:

We see how some practice of rigorous honesty with ourselves and others is the foundation for genuine love and care. If we are attentive and awake, we know when we honestly have care and attention to give and when we are actually in need of care and attention ourselves. Many of us are inclined to give and give without ever asking for anything in return. We may think this is a sign of generosity, or even heroism. But it may also reveal some secret pride that says: "I don't need help from you or anyone. I only want to give.'' When we always give without receiving, we soon become dry, brittle, even secretly resentful. But if we learn instead to attend to our own physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs--and ask for and become willing to receive whatever care we truly need--we may discover that giving and receiving can be a joyful, liberating conversation of hearts.

The ''Bearing Witness'' chapter is barely longer than a page, and describes the ministry of a woman who records thoughts from women dying of breast cancer to share with their children when they are old enough for them - thoughts about how to make the best choices and how she made it through life's defining moments. She volunteers with this group called Mother's Living Stories. So beautiful. I so wish my mom had left me with more stories about herself, about her and my real father, thoughts for me as I was older, etc.

A snippet from their website: Primarily, the Project brings ill mothers together with trained volunteers in a process that is healing to both. Volunteer Listeners guide mothers in reviewing their lives and recording their stories. These living legacies foster communication within the family and help mothers and their children hold each other in life and after death.

I felt this one resonate with my questions to God on my lack related to perpetual singleness. He begins to talk about the prayer Jesus gives us of asking for our daily bread, and the tie back to manna, which could only be gathered for the one day (except in preparation for Sabbath).

Why would God feed them so little when they were clearly in such need?

(a question I've asked of God in my own life many times)

For the Hebrews in exile, afraid, hungry, on the run, fearful for their lives, this was not so much about food as about an opportunity to trust, to sink deep in the soul where fear can strangle and drive our choices and learn instead to allow, soften, open into some ridiculous possibility that even in the desert of dry, dusty wandering, lost without hope, there would be at least this one day, for them, enough.

This one got me (for us control freaks) -

How much of our time is driven by our conviction that we somehow have the authority, the power, the audacity to believe that if we anticipate, plan, work hard and long, and take care of everything and everyone, then we can actually control the outcome or guarantee the success of what we have decided we want.

Sobering about children's levels of stress, in this crazy world of ours:

(Reported to the author by his friend Anne Fullerton, when she was asked to help a first grade teacher whose students had a more than usually hard time focusing)

When I joined the class, I have no idea why I thought to ask these six-year-olds about ''stress.'' But when I did, one little girl immediately raised her hand. ''Stress,'' she said, ''is when you wake up late and you have to share the bathroom and your brother won't come out and you can't find your shoes and it's getting late and your mom yells at you and you can't find your homework and you don't have time for breakfast and you hurry into the car and your brother shoves you over and you get to school just as the bell rings. That's stress.''

When I asked them what made them less stressed and have more fun, these same children readily produced delightful images of sitting on someone's lap, talking, running around, climbing, singing, listening to stories, playing outside, dreaming, having nothing to do, not having to rush, or just being outside and taking a big breath.

Wayne concludes,

If, instead of forcing [kids] to adhere to our schedules, we took the opportunity for unhurried time with them every day, stopped and allowed their pace and their attention to capture us, we might find that such moments of delight provide more than enough unexpected surprises and unplanned gifts that we can carry easily and playfully through the day.

Boy, that got me thinking about how I interact with the kids in my 4 year old Sunday School class, and how glad I am we have 30 minutes of free play at the beginning. But maybe there are ways I can help them know that God isn't a big timetable in the sky...

In the final quote I'll share - Wayne himself shares a beautiful quote from Mark Nepo:

Just as someone starving can't eat a whole loaf of bread at once, but must break off pieces and eat slowly, so must the conscious heart live off small pieces of infinity in order to digest what will nourish.

Waiting in Expectation

2010-11-09T13:27:00.002-06:00

You know how there are re-occurring themes in your life? Well, one of the ones that comes up for me all the time is home. And because of the circumstances of my life, I end up moving often, which really whacks my sense of having a home. One of the aspects of this theme that always stirs me up into a cauldron of miscontented pessimism is when I'm looking for a new place to live, or a new roommate.

I start off with optimism, hope, and good cheer. Sure that a good solution will present itself to the complicated math formula of large space with lots of storage + roommate (agreeable temperaments x 2) + reliability + (pets x 3) + manageable deposit + location within commutable distance of work + manageable rent + safe location + reliable landlord.

Lately, the situation had become
- agreeable and
- reliable roommate
- reliable landlord

So, I'm once again looking for either a roommate to share the house and help me stir the landlord to action, or for a place I can move into by myself, with the roommate part of the equation removed.

I am deadline oriented. So it feels like a constant pressure to find a place is on me, pushing at the back of my neck, hurrying me and threatening doom if something isn't figured out immediately. This feeling then whips up into a blind hopelessness and certainty that a solution won't be found that will work.

This time, I am trying with all my willpower to trust that a solution will appear. That the last minute solutions are fine, and sometimes, they actually help - as with apartments offering increasingly better deals when they have a place they can't rent - it's kind of like a bluffing card game, where if I wait it out, I might get a winning hand when they fold and give me a rate I can afford.

But it is really hard to go against my nature that wants a clear, doable plan. And it's hard to say, ''God, you are in control of this. Though I am so fearful that you aren't. Though I don't really have any good options that I can see right now. I want to fix this NOW and get this pushy, bulldozer feeling off my back.

The theme is so familiar now of waiting on God in expectation, and the fight to hope on the unseen.

Yet, each place I've lived has been fine. It's had its good points that I loved and its annoying points that grated. Because they were all temporary, I knew I could always change them once the lease was up. The lovely escape clause. None have been horrible. Right now, I am torn between loving the house I'm in and frustration with the landlord. I have a gorgeous yellow-leaved tree framed in the living room window that is a lodestar at the moment as I write this. I have a sweet winter vegetable garden outside the back door. I have covered parking for the winter. But the downstairs is untenable, and it adds to the utilities for an unusable space (except for storage).

Maybe I could rent out the spare bedroom and basement for storage, and not deal with a roommate at all. Hmmmm. That would be sweet. Not really realistic, but a nice thing to think about since I don't have any concrete options to dwell on.

I don't even know if I should start to pack up. And that means I have lots of extra energy to burn, with all this impetus to make something happen. So, I'm trying to use the time to go through things and pare down what needs throwing out, donating, organizing. At least that is a helpful outlet for the frustration.

Right now, I just want to sit and watch the leaves glimmer in the breeze glinting with sunshine and shadow, I want to breathe and see a few of them float down and add to the crunchy layer already on the ground, I want to believe something good is to come.

My Meg

2010-10-02T00:56:00.002-05:00

My Meg is gone.
My sweet orange girl.
Her thick fur,
with it's distinctive tabby dots and dashes,
I loved to rub and bury my face against
The special warm clean scent of that coat in the sunshine.
Her baby soft ears, and the base of them where I'd kiss her.
Those keen clear green eyes, trying to avoid a direct gaze.
All her meows I knew so well.
Her kissing rasping tongue on my fingers in our early morning cuddle.
The insistent but gentle head butt when she wanted me to get out of bed already.
Those petal pink too delicate paws,
holding up that triangle of body mass
incongruously
Twelve years.
Twelve years I've read her,
learned her,
pulled her out of her shell,
moved her state to state to state and house to apartment to room
made her roommates with so many
other
people
and made her share my attention with first,
one bird,
then my boy, Sean,
and then one more bird.
She'd avoid the birds
to avoid getting tempted to stalk them.
Her chattering at things outside,
perched in a window,
all that round plumpness,
somehow steady in the narrow sill.
Her easy jump up on the bed
and settle down next to my pillow,
curved perfectly to fit my arm,
my face pressed against her warm side,
breathing her peace and absolute coziness in
hoping it would come to rest in my own soul.
My Megamous. My Nutmeg. My baby girl.
I miss you, sweet girl.
I miss kissing your nosy. When you acted like you hated it.
I miss your head pushing against my hand, getting me to scratch your chin.
I miss talking back and forth to your mews.
I miss you being lost under the covers,
a summer cocoon of color and oh so dreamy under there,
but never so adorable as fluffed under the eiderdown
in winter.
I miss you, my Meg.
I'll always miss you.
And I'll have the bittersweet joy
of seeing you
in my dreams.

First Flyte - jumping back into Its Just Lunch

2010-07-29T11:28:00.002-05:00

You may recall that a few years back, I had a wild ride with Its Just Lunch, a dating service. I'll post one of my most memorable dates from that time later...

Well, out of the blue, IJL called me last week and offered me three months free. I can only surmise they are out of women to set their guys up with. But I am not one to turn down free, so I said sure, let the adventure begin again!

Last night I had my first date. Alas, I won't be making fun of the guy, as he was a good guy, and we had a nice time. Unfortunately, he is an atheist, so there won't be another date. But I think he'll make someone a great date.

But I can rant about the restaurant, and I will! IFL had booked us a table at Flyte. I had not been there before, but had heard of it. It's a hipster place. On the plus side, the staff were all very nice and friendly. However, at 6:30pm, the lights were already at 8pm-like dimness, and the sunlight lasering through the front door meant that I could hardly see my date's face, he was so brightly backlit.

I picked up the 1 page menu and the 10 page wine list. I am not a super picky eater. But I am also not a frou-frou eater. The menu was all frou-frou (halibut cheek and jowl bacon sound appetizing to anyone?), mixed with things so down-to-earth as to be ludicous (a poached egg and a tripe dish for examples).

Here is the appetizer selection. The numbers are the prices!:
braised leeks, foraged mushrooms...9 fried green tomato, tomato gravy, chow chow...12

As you can see, the prices are exorbitant.

When I couldn't find any menu items I wanted to pay that much for, I actually looked at choosing a glass of wine. This is maybe the first time in a year I have even considered a glass of wine, as I don't typically drink. The options were overwhelming, and the prices prohibitive - the least expensive options were $8/glass. My date did end up choosing a glass of a dessert wine, after much travail, as he was not a wine connoisseur either. I finally settled on a bowl of gazpacho soup and my date chose a green bean and potato salad.

The very nice waiter brought out the wine, and I thought it was a taster. The glass maybe had 1/3 cup of wine in it. But no! This was the $15 glass of wine! Insane!

Okay. So, weird food, extreme prices. Then, the food came out. Were we accidentally transported to Lilliput? I received a ''bowl'' of soup that measured about 1/2 cup. My date received about 10 - 1'' green bean pieces, 2 marble sized red potatoes, with a quarter-sized fried onion ring. For $9. What in the world? My gazpacho was so supremely whipped, it was half air, and it wasn't that tasty.

As our waiter brought our checks, he brought a small salver with two cookies on it, each the size of a quarter. He beamed as he told us these sweets were on the house. At this point, I had to stop myself from laughing hysterically at the tiny size of the cookies. The chocolate was good, but the texture was too hard and crunchy, like a biscotti.

When I called IJL to give them feedback on the date, I asked them not to send me to Flyte again. This morning, I talked with the coordinator, and she said she looked up the menu, and was dismayed at the odd food choices and she laughed with me about it. They aren't going to send me there again. Whew!

Currently, I'm set up with another date at the end of August, but I may get a date scheduled before then with someone else. I'll keep you posted!

A Prayer Creation

2010-05-26T15:26:00.005-05:00

My church, The Village Chapel, is hosting an art exhibit for a few months on the theme of Prayer. I ended up writing a poem about my experience with prayer, and finding images that reminded me of praying. The first collage I created was so much fun, but when I tried to adhere the vellum to the board, the glue showed up and looked awful.

Here is the first go:

I painted the board with a gold flecked green, put this great fine platinum glitter around the outer edge, layered the images under the vellum, printed the poem on the vellum, and laid it on top of the pics, and added some torn handmade paper that has these great silver flecks in it. But the glue "ring" just looked terrible.

So, I had to redo the project completely. I pulled out old copies of magazines - Relevant and Radiant magazines helped tremendously.

Here is how it looked out pieced together, before gluing it down. The final result has slightly different placement of the images, and is in a lovely silvered frame. I love the juxtaposition of the big image of the man in the upper right and the woman with the blue eyeshadow.

I'll try to post the poem itself soon...

It was really fun to get caught up in a creative project again. It's been awhile since I've touched my collage materials. So much fun!

One Lucky Kitten

2010-05-26T15:17:00.005-05:00

Out of the four kittens I was fostering, only one survived. But she was such a joy to take care of! So full of innocent mischief and growing / learning so quickly.

I had to take on feeding this little one every few hours. She was SO tiny and adorable, but with each feeding, she got more energetic and better at nursing from the bottle, and quicker at getting fed.

My friends Michael and Samantha adopted her and renamed her Cakester - they have a dog named Cookie and a cat named Oreo, so they kept the theme going - and she is one lucky kitten.

Here she is, helping Michael with his dissertation.
Her eyes are starting to change to her adult color - aren't they beautiful?

This is what Michael and Samantha call "food bathing" :)

An Anniversary of Mourning

2010-04-26T19:30:00.005-05:00

April 24 is the 25th anniversary of my mom's death. Most of you know she died at the very young age of 39 after a 3 year battle with cancer. There were many things about her as a person and a mother that are not praiseworthy. But there is also so much that she imparted in the 12 years she was my mom.

She fought hardship and loneliness to bring me into the world. A penniless single woman in the early 70s, with a tiny few friends who helped her along. I was born way too early - that must have been so scary to see this creature only 2 lbs and 5 ounces and know that she was in her care.

God's hand has been over me in so many ways. One was that I was healthy, though premature and so little. I would grow up always feeling behind my peers. But it was just that I was running 3 months late.

Mom's creativity was one of the areas that bonded us from the beginning. Her love of color and music and expression. I still remember some of the drawings and pictures she made, the swooping shapes and symbols she liked to use.

I think I have her hands. Sometimes when I look down, I get a glimpse of her. Mine are probably smaller than hers, but are shaped alike I think.

When I dream of her, I often think of her falling curtain of shiny, straight dark hair. It was so beautiful. And you know how little girls love hair! It was so sad when she had to cut her hair because of the cancer. We held onto the braids for years and years, curled in a drawer. Thick braids. Unlike my braids, which growing up were skinny, pale and blonde.

She loved to eat mangoes in the sunshine, a vestige of growing up in Florida. I remember her hands sticky with juice, handing me slices of the orange deliciousness.

She once cooked cow brains and wanted my sister and I to eat them. What?! That's crazy! I can't remember if we finally gave in or not. I will never do this to my kids. Unless we are under war rationing. Then all bets are off.

She had a huge smile that brought the sunshine out. Her dimples were amazing. She didn't have a childish face at all, so the dimples were disarming.

Somehow, my favorite memories of her are when she's in the sun.

One of my favorite baby pictures is of me, her sister (my aunt Debbie), me, and a Springer Spaniel, lounging on a blanket in the grass. Ah, those lazy moments were so perfect.

a note from mom in my baby book

I can't really believe that I've now been without her for 2/3s of my life. It is really different to lose your mom so early. Yet not so early that there wasn't a foundation of life put together with her in the picture. I know the ache will always be there, the motherless ache. As I grow older, I get such an urge to mother, to foster, to impart and foster life in others. I hope that her radiant qualities live on in me. That her love is still alive in this way.

I don't know if she were alive what our relationship would be like, except that it would be complicated, as all mother and daughter relationships are. It is complicated even though she is not here. I'm glad that one day, we will know each other truly, as the people God meant us to be, without all the corruption of sin riddling our relationship.

These are my thoughts on this anniversary. Her long dark hair. Her smile. Her hands. The sunshine.

Fostering

2010-04-23T11:41:00.005-05:00

Adorable white eyelashes!

I've been having a blast fostering 4 kittens that a feral cat had in our yard.

Actually, she chose the dilapidated boat that my landlord stores under our carport. It's really a great place for the kittens, with room to play, nooks to hide in, but hard to get out of until they can jump a good height.

I found them last weekend, after I heard suspicious mewing when I was getting into my car Sunday morning. The vet thought they sounded like 3-4 week olds when I described them. Their little faces are only about 3 inches wide, and they are adorable. They have bright blue eyes right now, which are really striking.

Trying to get a close up

Each day after work, I've been spending about 20 minutes with them. They crawl around like mad at first. Then, they get tired and curl up in my arms, tuck their heads down, and go to sleep purring.

Since my Meg isn't a lap cat, it's the most cuddling I've gotten in ages!

Sean is very conscientious about them. He is concerned that they are mewing, and follows them around, licking them a little, and trying to shepherd any who wander away back to the fold. I asked him to lay down and let the kittens lay next to him. They love climbing on him and pawing at his thick fur!

The good kitten sitter

An unexpected treat - Tin Pan South

2010-03-31T09:55:00.004-05:00

I have enjoyed Tin Pan South a few times since being in Nashville. It's a songwriter's conference during the day (which of course I haven't participated in) and then at night there are many shows in music venues around Nashville. The shows are stripped down, just the songwriter, a guitar and microphone, usually with 3-5 people sharing the stage and taking turns sharing and singing. It's a great time to see the songwriter's behind the songs, to hear a bit about the writing process, and to celebrate music with lots of music lovers.

Last year and this year, I haven't been able to go, because I'm penny pinching. But at the end of the day at work yesterday, a friend offered her pass to me so I could go to one of the shows going on that night.

I ended up going to Douglas Corner Cafe (short on the cafe part, great sound, and they set it up in the round which was perfect for the intimate nature of Tin Pan South) off of 8th Ave S. OK, so I drove up and down and around about four times past the cafe, not able to see where it was. Get a better sign, guys! Finally, I just parked in the "neighborhood" and walked, knowing I'd see it better than when I was driving.

Here's the line up of who I saw -Rhett Akins, Scooter Carusoe, Brandon Heath, Lee Thomas Miller (http://www.tinpansouth.com/dayinfo1_dcc_late.asp). I decided to go to this one because of Brandon Heath - I have one of his CDs and I really like his voice.

I bought a small notebook from the dollar store across the street, to keep me occupied before the show and to scribble on during the show. I sketched the pic above near the beginning of the show. There was a pre-teen girl sitting up on an unused amp in front of me watching the show. She had a Santa hat on - I'm not sure why at this time of year? She was part of a unit of younger kids and a guy dressed, hatted, and facial haired like Elvis Costello, who seemed to be friends with Brandon Heath or maybe related to him? based on snippets of conversation I overheard as they milled around me before the show.

The quote from Lee Miller at the top of the sketch was part of his introduction to the show and the artists. Miller was quite hilarious, and seemed so at ease with himself, his fellow songwriters, and the world. He was a great host.

Well, I'll write another post of my scribblings during the show. I didn't want to make this one go too long. But it was such an unexpected treat to be able to take part in this year's Tin Pan South, even just for one show.

Roadside Assistance

2009-12-18T11:50:00.008-06:00

I headed to work this morning, happy that with the holidays, the traffic is lighter for my commute. So even though it was raining, I was buzzing happily along. I was entering the exit from the highway to 21st Street when my morning routine was interrupted.

As I exited, slowing for the coming stop light and vehicles ahead of me, I saw a car stopped on the right shoulder. A man was trying to flag a person down to help him. He was making a "phone" sign and waving.

When I'm alone in the car, I don't usually feel it's safe to stop for vehicles on the side of the road. Too many stories of car jackings and other violence. But, just this past week, I was having a lot of car issues, and couldn't have gotten through it without a lot of help from friends. With that experience and empathy fresh on my mind and tender in my heart, I pulled over.

The man ran to my car - he was so happy that I'd stopped. He was dressed for business, and that gave me a feeling of confidence to let him into the car. I wouldn't have let him in the car so quickly but it was raining. Also, it was daylight and tons of people were going by as they exited.

I thought he needed to call someone, so I got my phone out, but before I could say anything, he introduced himself as Paul, shaking my hand warmly. A hand shake is a way of saying "you can trust me, and I respect you." It makes a difference.

He began telling me his story in a rapid-fire Yankee salesman way, but very conscientiously and wanting to assure me he was trust-worthy. I can say he said it in a Yankee-salesman way, because he proceeded to tell me that he was a salesman and a Yankee, and that he'd left his billfold at home today accidentally, and had run out of gas, and needed money for gas. He was on a sales route, in the company car, and he needed enough to fill up the car in order to complete the route.

He gave me the name of a police officer who he said had stopped and checked on him, in case I wanted to call the officer to verify his story.

He told me that he'd been on the side of the road for half and hour, and I was the only person who stopped for him. And he said that while he was waiting, he decided that he'd send whoever stopped for him over the amount they gave him out of gratitude. He also said that he knew it was God who had me stop; that he'd been saved six years ago, and believed in God's providence.

Now, oddly enough, the day before yesterday, I headed to work and forgot my purse at home. I didn't even realize it until I got out of my car and was gathering the things I was taking into the office. So, I again had a sense of how this can happen to a person.

I usually don't have more than a couple of dollars in cash at hand, but because of the car problems I'd been experiencing, I had withdrawn some extra cash in case somewhere I went wouldn't take a debit card. I happened to have enough to give him cash to fill up his car.

I gave him the money, knowing that I'm taking a risk that all of his story could be a hoax, a scam. I don't have extra money to give away, but I felt that I needed to put it in God's hands. That if he was being truthful, I was helping him out the way so many people have helped me out. And if he wasn't being truthful, God knew it. I gave him my address, so we'll see if he repays me or not. Ah, the suspense!

This reminds me of a scene in the Cary Grant / Audrey Hepburn movie, Charade:
(Her banter is in green)

Alex, how can you tell if anyone's lying or not?

- You can't.

- There must be some way.

There's an old riddle about two tribes of Indians. The Whitefeet always tell the truth and the Blackfeet always lie. One day you meet an Indian, you say, "Hey, Indian, what are you, a truthful Whitefoot or a lying Blackfoot?" He says, "I'm a truthful Whitefoot." But which is he?

Why couldn't you just look at his feet?

Because he's wearing moccasins.

Well, then, he's a truthful Whitefoot, of course.

Why not a lying Blackfoot?

- Which one are you?

- A truthful Whitefoot.

Come in. Sit down.

- Why? Do you wanna look at my feet?

Yes.

Make it Stop

2009-11-29T21:50:00.002-06:00

This is a "I'm feeling sorry for myself" post. Just warnin' ya.

A spike has been living in my head, approximately above my left eyebrow and extending first into the top of my cheekbone and then out through my left jaw, off and on for the past week. Some sort of insane sinus headache. I am taking decongestants and pain relievers to no avail. The mornings seem to be okay, but by early afternoon, the spike starts to make itself felt.

I kind of feel like my face is actually tilted because of the pressure.

My neck is tender and my ears are full of fluid. If I sneeze it hurts a hell'a.

I am doing my sinus rinse and taking a homeopathic med. I don't know what to do to make it stop! Anyone got any good ways to cure this?

The view from here...

2009-11-10T15:15:00.006-06:00

Autumn in Nashville - here is a view from my neighbor's house looking at my house. We've got 4 big trees in the front yard - maybe 5 - and they all turn color and drop leaves in the fall. This was taken the same weekend I did the cold frame; now, most of the leaves have dropped. We've got TONS of leaves! Our neighbors get the best view :)

I am trying to get some Swiss chard going. I got this as an established plant... we'll see how it goes! It's supposed to be a cold weather veggie.

I'm happy to say that the collards are making a comeback now that the weather is cooler and the bugs aren't eating them up like crazy. Yummy!

I'm also trying baby bok choi... the sad thing is that you have to harvest it a leaf at a time. If you cut off the full head, another won't grow in its place. Again, I got these as already established plants, so hopefully I can keep them going!

Amazingly, my flower garden is still alive! In the next few weeks, it will probably start to die out. But it's fun to have color this late in the season!

Since it's gotten cool, I changed to my winter bedding - a feather duvet, with this lovely satin-y duvet cover and pillowcases. Meg has been so cozy - she finds these little spots to curl up in, and loves lounging on my pillows. Don't you want to be a cat? They find the best ways to be comfy and cozy!

Here she is in her "nest". Ahhh... Comfort!

Effervescence

2009-11-10T15:11:00.007-06:00

I've had some projects up my sleeve. Or to be more descriptive, roiling and rioting in my brain until I could make them happen.

Both of the projects that came to fruition recently were the results of dissatisfaction.

I have a dear friend, Michele, whose birthday has long passed. And I just couldn't settle on the right present for her. (Hi, Michele! You're about to see your present before it gets mailed!) She always gives me such cool handmade things, and I wanted to reciprocate in kind. I was really feeling in a funk as no good ideas were coming.

Then, two weeks ago, I just had a day where creativity took over, intuition coalesced, and as I walked Sean in my neighborhood, I just about jumped out of my skin with gift possibilities for M.

I badly wanted to stop walking and go down to my art room and get going, but I knew I needed to get in the exercise and my dog needs it badly too. So I forced myself to keep walking, and tried to keep hold of the ideas and not let them vaporize. Ideas are so ephemeral, you know. It was kind of like walking while holding a dozen helium balloons in a headwind.

Then, on the final lap around the neighborhood, I had a brainstorm in a different direction, about another area of dissatisfaction. This relates to my great desire to have a thriving garden, year-round. Or at least not kill off my plants in the winter. Well, I never want to kill off my plants come to think about it! But, I also get annoyed bringing in a bunch of container plants every winter, when I don't have good enough light for them to thrive, and they drop leaves and dirt for months, and generally clutter up the place.

Ok, enough background. Now onto the projects themselves!

Project One - Collage for Michele

I love collages. I always have. I still have one I made for school in 6th grade. I was really into huskies and sled dogs at the time, having read a lot of Jack London and any other books about dogs from the library - many of which were set in the Yukon. In fact, I used to hook up Babe (Golden Retriever), Jacque (poodle), Jake (poodle, son of Jacque), and a Brittany Spaniel I can't recall the name of to a little red wagon and pretend to be sledding as we went down the rocky road from my trailer to the bus stop 1/8 mile away.

I would bring cheese and bread with me.

I think my reading of Yukon trips was accidentally intermingled by a lot of reading about shepherds and their dogs by Kjelgaard and Terhune, among others. Shepherds liked to wrap up a hunk of bread and a hunk of cheese for lunch on the hills it seems. So, off we would go to the end of the gravel road and squat down together by the mail boxes and eat bread and cheese, and I'd try to get them to learn "gee" and "haw". Hmmm. I may be getting off subject...

So, back to the collage. I have a set of little books to use as backgrounds, including a Bible that was used so much that it is falling apart. I had gone through a bunch of mags several months ago and cut out all kinds of interesting expressions, words, and quotes. I always have a bin of interesting images, some of them from years back still waiting for the perfect project to attach themselves to. I also have lately had a yen for screen or netting. I've been hoarding scraps of window screen and the brightly colored plastic netting that fruits and veggies come in for awhile now. The netting is really fascinating. It comes in very fine net to very loose net patterns, and in yellow, purple, red, black, white, etc. I also had a little set of inks I bought on clearance and have been trying to figure out how to use. And a set of antique travel-related rubber stamps I've been dying to use since last winter.

So, I mixed and matched and pasted and painted. I stamped on vellum. I pulled out a cool circle pen nib and played with the scarlet ink - what a great color! I'm now officially a fan of scarlet. I grabbed some fan shaped brushes and splayed blue ink, a watercolor brush for the yellow. Lots of lots of Mod Podge later, and I had this:

"Here I am above the static-my thoughts long, my days crystal clear."
"flights of fancy"
"The greatest explorers have no maps"
"No one looks back fondly on the time they spent in a parking garage"
"secreted away"
"miles and miles / spans"

I layered some Georgia O'Keefe flowers with pages from Exodus, a tiny Impressionist painting, a pair of happy-go-lucky orange Hunter rain boots, these quirky bird sculptures from Anthropologie, and a retro circusman, with a boarding stamp and compass image.

Here is a bit of a detail shot:

It's all about exploring, taking chances, getting out and away.

Happy Birthday, Michele! You'll be getting it soon, I promise!

Project Two: Cold Frame (a.k.a. Green House)

OK, for as long as I've had a yen to garden, I've heard about cold frames. I don't think I really knew what they were until this year though. They are tiny green houses. In the Spring, you can put out seeds and let your seedlings sprout up in cold frames when it's still too cold to put them in the ground. In the Winter, you can put your live plants in a cold frame to keep them safe from frosts.

Well, as I walked in our neighborhood that night, I saw once again that one of my neighbors had put two glass doors out to the curb as trash. They were whole and unbroken. I'd seen them several times before, but couldn't think of a way to use them. But that night, the idea hit - the doors would make a great lean-to cold frame against my house! I already have a bunch of concrete blocks lying around (thanks to the owner's odd backyard set-up). These would make the ends.

So, Saturday saw me partaking in my own Biggest Loser challenge - lugging HEAVY concrete blocks, bricks, and bric-a-brac from the lower regions of the back yard uphill next to the house. Boy, I'm still feeling the workout! But it slowly took shape.

Tina's Cold Frame

Hmmm. This is a horrible picture. Sorry.

I ended up using a bunch of windows that were also helpfully and oddly laying in the back yard for the front, as one of the doors was too heavy and kept falling over. The old windows are kind of grimey, even after I rinsed them off. So you can't see in very well. But you get the idea.

Here is a side view so you can see the door laying on top and the window on the side to hopefully keep critters out!

And here is a view looking down at the plants who are going to love me all winter. I hope. If they die off after all this work, I'm going to be disgusted!

One day, I'd love to have a real green house. But this is a good start!

Percy Warner park on a Sunday

2009-10-27T09:31:00.004-05:00

I went hiking on Sunday with Sean to Percy Warner park. It was the perfect fall day, and the park was full of people enjoying the weather and photographers capturing holiday snaps of families.

There are these steps leading up to the trail. They kick my butt.

(photo borrowed from http://www.flickr.com/photos/fallingwater123/3492528442/)

I promised myself I would go slow and not worry about going slow. As in, not beat myself up for having to stop for breath many times up the steps.

On Sunday, going slow was a treat, as I got to enjoy some special people and dog watching. But my friends know I have to remember to look up, as I look down when I'm walking much of the time. So, I was looking down at the steps, when I hear a little girl belt out "see that girl". I look over to see a 4 year old, curly-headed brunette, in her element, jaunting down the steps, punctuating her progress with phrases of song.

I recognize the lyrics, but I'm trying to figure out what song it is.

See that girl
a few steps
Watch that scene
a few more steps
She is the dancing queen
step and repeat...

I can't believe it - she is singing "Dancing Queen" from Abba! Then, to make the moment even more awesome, her dad joins in!

Can I tell you I love it when dads are silly with their kids. My dad was really great at that. Somehow, men who all of their single lives wouldn't be drug onto a dance floor because of terror of looking silly, will, when they are dads, jiggle a jive with their toddler in front of Trader Joes' main entrance, mindless of people coming and going (also on Sunday). Or sing Dancing Queen with their 4 year old daughter as much of Nashville mills around the park.

And I love to hear little girls before they get self-conscious. Who sing a song with so much moxie. Before they are so old they need to be intoxicated to do it, in a tacky karaoke bar.

See that girl!

She is the dancing queen!

Wishes, Dreams and Drawings

2009-10-08T13:51:00.011-05:00

Do you remember when you were about 6 or 7, and you got to tell a story through a drawing or writing or both? My mom had been an art major, and I lucked out, because she bought me the most interesting coloring books. One that she got me was The Anti-Coloring Book.

As an adult, I love the concept of the Anti-Coloring Book. It gives you unfinished stories to draw or illustrate, like a newspaper front page that you get to draw your own idea for the picture, and write your own headline and first paragraph.

Now, because I was such a perfectionist, most of the pages are still untouched. I wanted to have a grand idea before I drew on them. Looking at the coloring book now, I still feel a sense of frustration at what I did draw on the few pages I filled in. They just aren't that interesting. I think I needed a SARK to help me feel comfortable putting my ideas down.

But every once in a while, there is one like this:
(click on image to see it larger)

The top of the page didn't come out, but it said something like, you are a botanist and you have just discovered a new flower that is poisonous. What is it like?

I think it's funny how macabre my imagination was at this stage, yet how lovely the flower is. I can tell that I've heard way too many stories from my dad when I go through the Anti-Coloring Book as so many of the pictures I did draw are of UFO's, one of his favorite topics. He believes they are real, and it captured my imagination.

Can you tell what I wrote for "how do you know it is poisonous?" I said: " I had a spider who could only die of poison and he touched the flower and died within 60 seconds." A reporter in the making! Such clarity! Such concrete facts! I love it.

I also like the bright colors. It's funny that I've always like a bright palette.

Here though is an illustration that shows my true heart's desires -
(click on image to see it larger)

I LOVE THIS! My wish was for "many horses and unicorns and flying horses and flying unicorns" (have to specific!) "and money and animal refuge". The picture to the right of the unicorn is wings for the flying unicorns and horses. Hmm. I think these things are still part of my wish list...

May you have a day of freeing your imagination...and remembering things that you loved as a kid and may still have a place in your heart today.

Visitor

2009-09-07T14:32:00.002-05:00

So, the other morning, I let Sean out, and he glanced into the 5 gallon bucket next to the side door. He usually ignores it, so I also looked in. Lo and behold, a tiny possum! He was the size of a guinea pig, and for a possum, was actually cute with his giant black eyes and his crinkly ears.

Somehow, he'd fallen into the bucket over night and got trapped.

I think I now have a reason to suspect possums as part of the crew who have been hauling off my produce before I pick it!

I snapped this pic and then laid the bucket down so he could find his way home. I think he was too young to even know how to play possum! While I was looking at him, he just looked at me with those glossy eyes. I couldn't help thinking he'd make a great Beatrix Potter character.

Hmmm, are you the one who keeps eating my tomatoes and peppers?

Garden Delights

2009-08-08T22:54:00.007-05:00

OK, I know I keep posting pics of my garden. But please indulge me. After so many years of wanting to have a real garden and being stuck on apartment patios with no sun, I finally can put plants in the ground! It really makes a difference. So does good sunshine and water.

My herbs overwintered inside, but once it finally got warm out, I potted them all together in this awesome soil. They almost got drowned in a few long weeks of rain, but they are now vibrant and doing great.

You can see parsley, rosemary, and basil here.

The basil is especially abundant. Oooh, it smells so good when you brush up against it! And all the herbs are so handy to cook with.

Here are a few of my tomato bushes. I did have problems with several of my beauties getting mushy from too much rain right before they were ready to be picked :( But the ones that weren't mushy have been yummy! I have some large round tomatoes and a roma plant. The romas taste good but aren't juicy really. I prefer the "regular" tomatoes when I can get them before they get spots! I adore the smell of tomato plants.

My collard patch. Grasshoppers keep attacking them and making the large leaves into lacy fans. That sounds pretty, but it's actually really annoying when most of the leaf is eaten up! I have to keep up my spraying against the pests. Maybe I can continue the fight tomorrow...

Here is my happy flower garden! I had hoped it would have many more flowers, but they are a steady set of blooms and I can have a fresh vase of flowers in the house most of the time. Most are zinnias, with some tall marigolds, a few sunflowers and the occasional unknown-to-me flower.

A close up of a lovely pink zinnia. I have red, orange, pink and purple zinnias, if I am not forgetting any of them. I really love these flowers. The gorgeous concentric circles, the little, tender furled petals around the center, the rich velvet colors, how long they last, and how quickly they bloom. And they are so cheerful!

A really stunning lacy marigold. This one is on a tall plant - so unlike the short bushy ones I plant along the perimeter of my veggie garden to fend off pests (which they don't actually seem to do...)

I planted two bare root roses in a container and they have really done great their first year. They are a gorgeous orange at first, then lighten as they mature to gold and finally to a yellow. Here is one that is fully bloomed. They smell glorious too! I would love to have a bunch of roses one day, with lots of bright colors and fragrances and some that climb. Tennessee seems to do well with roses, so that's been great. Actually, Tennessee is much friendlier for growing than Florida or Texas were for me. Again, it helps a lot to actually put stuff in the ground. My dad has a huge bounding garden in Texas, but it is a lot of work keeping it from dying in heat.

The flower bed I tried to start from seeds at the front of the house just hasn't done much. There are about four zinnias coming up. Very disappointing. It wasn't turned over like the garden patch was, so I guess there wasn't as much for roots to take hold of. But I think I'll keep trying with it once I have a little funding to try again. It gets partial shade, so it is quite different from the side garden.

OK, I have to confess that our mower stopped working. It's so disappointing. I got a new spark plug and cleaned the outside of the engine as well as I could. But no luck. Our grass got quite high in places before we had a chance to borrow a neighbor's mower. I really don't like mowing! My roommate, Missy, got busy and did all of our mowing. So now it's my turn. I just wish it weren't 100 degrees outside!!!

A Benediction

2009-08-08T00:55:00.004-05:00

I read this benediction at the very end of the marvellous book Make Your Creative Dreams Real: A Plan for Procrastinators, Perfectionists, Busy People, and People Who Would Really Rather Sleep All Day by the very authentic SARK:

A Gift For You

I Send You...The awareness that you are inspiring. You are inspiring to me, reading this book. You are inspiring to me in the following ways:

For your tiny and large kindnesses, for your glad heart and your confused tears, for your stumbling and yearning.

For your endearing soul and rare insights, for your impossible moods and hopeless moments.

For your rage and despair and explorations in shadows and darkness, for your resistance and conflict and refusal to feel good, or do good things.

For your selflessness and especially for your selfishness.

For your pathetic vulnerable times and for all your splendidly human moments. For your incandescent spirit and ingenious escapes.

For your will and suffering.

For everything that you've tried to hide.

For your failings and attempts and for all that you have lost and found.

For your regrets and loneliness and for every fear that has ever stalked you.

For your neurotic bumbling.

For radiant knowledge and countless expressions of love.

You are inspiring to me because you are exquisitely YOU.

Don't you think that is the best message you could ever hope to receive? I want to write it to all my friends in their birthday cards from now on! I hope you read every word and take it in to yourself as the words of a friend to your heart. I hope I can do the same!

I've had so many supportive friends around me lately. It really makes the difference. Instead of despairing, I've felt borne by their belief in me, in God for me, in God being intimately involved in my life when I can't see His hand.

There have been times in the past when most of my friends were far away. It can be so wearying to try to stay encouraged when I am so far away from the people who know me best and love me in my weaknesses and somehow see my strengths even when I feel lowest of the low. But over the past year, God has blessed me with some dear friends who are coming around me to support me valiantly. I can also stand in the gap for them when they aren't able to believe for themselves, in themselves. And we can laugh before, during, or after the gift of tears and the black of fears.

I send this note from SARK out to these friends. Far and near, the ones who hold my heart, and allow me to hold theirs. I love you.

P.S. I changed up the formatting of SARK's quote so it's easier to read and absorb.

The Perfect Weekend Breakfast

2009-08-03T15:57:00.004-05:00

This is my ideal weekend breakfast:

Ingredients:

1. Gorgeous flowers from my own garden - the roses actually SMELL like ROSES unlike supermarket ones that smell like air conditioning.

2. A book I am enjoying, on my book stand from college, so I can read with fork and knife in hand.

3. Cute napkin (this one has a "T" on it...for "Tina". Wild, I know!) I got this for cheap at TJ Maxx.

4. Fresh hot coffee. The weekends are the only times I have coffee in the morning at home. On weekdays, I wait to have it at the office.

5. Bacon. My favorite is a nitrate/nitrate free, natural dry rubbed type you can get at Trader Joe's or Whole Foods - it is 40% less fat than regular bacon but it is more of a "real" bacon than "regular" bacon anyway!

This weekend's breakfast was the more easily available center cut bacon. Still usually 1/3 less fat and pretty good taste.

6. Over easy egg and buttered toast. These go together. This one got too hard in the middle. But what I like best to do is to pierce the yolk and squidge it around on the toast like it's jelly, then put the mangled egg white remains over the yolk, and eat it. An open-faced egg sandwich. These are cage-free brown Egg-Lands' Best eggs. They are so good and good for you! Much less cholesterol than usual eggs.

7. Behind me, a window, so I can read with natural light.

8. To the side of me, my parakeets, talking and singing while I eat.

9. Below me, my dog Sean, waiting for the meal to be over so he can lick the plate. He knows the sound of me putting down the silverware. It says, "Tina is done. Now I can lick!"

10. Off in the hallway or on the hardwood floor in front of me, Meg lays, wondering when she is going to get any attention.

11. NO CLOCK WATCHING!!!! I love not wearing a watch as much as possible on the weekends. This is an integral part of an ideal breakfast. Drinking my coffee slowly as I read. Finishing up when I want to get up, and not before.

12. Did I mention another important part of the ideal breakfast is sleeping in?

There you have it. My ideal breakfast. At least when I'm making it at home. If I'm out, I wrestle with also wanting pancakes (blueberry or chocolate chip?) and biscuits with sausage gravy and maybe some grits. MMMMM. I like breakfast!

The Trail of Research

2009-07-24T15:25:00.006-05:00

the blankness of paper

This week, I was happy to be entrusted with a freelance project to write articles for five different travel blogs.

I just sent the last one to the client.

I now have a folder with 100 pages of printouts of research material in it. For five one-page articles. And I read more than that online that I didn't print out!

So I thought it would be fun to talk a little about my process of writing. This is when I'm writing for an assignment, not creative writing. Although some of it stays the same!

For this week's assignment, I didn't have a lot of time to do research, as I was working on a tight deadline. This helped me to tighten into a theme for each article as quickly as possible.

For example, I had a list of around 30 destinations I could write about. I could write about a region (like the Andes mountains), a city, a type of sightseeing (such as safaris), or a specific ship, hotel, etc. on my list.

There were lots of options!

My friend Tim had just returned from a whirlwind tour of parts of Turkey. His brief highlighting of some of his experiences in the Bible study we're in together piqued my curiosity. I didn't know much at all about Turkey, but it sounded like it was an incredibly interesting country with a rich history.

So, I decided to make my first article about Turkey, and specifically, about Istanbul. I chose Istanbul because it had stood out for Tim, and it was a major tourist area.

Did you know that the first people to use money was an ancient civilization in Turkey? That they were the first country to give women the right to vote? That it is a treasure trove of Christian history and artifacts? That the Turkish baths preceded the Roman baths? That tulips were given to Holland, and this began a European tulip craze that became a huge economic force?

I could go on and on.

There was a lot to read about, even though I was just skimming for notable bits of information.

I knew that one of the articles had to be on cruises and one had to be on South America. So I decided to research Ecuador. This led to the following research - wildlife in the Ecuadorian Amazon and the Galapagos Islands, 16th and 17th century art and architecture in Quito, Amazon river expeditions, and eco-friendly tourism.

Whew!

I used my yellow highlighter a lot as read and re-read the sections that most related to what I was writing about at the time.

I cut and pasted from web pages certain descriptions that I could mold into sentences of my own. Sometimes these were immediately cut again, but sometimes they reminded me of an important feature to talk about, or gave my descriptions a more first-hand feel.

Back when I was in high school, I enjoyed research papers. As long as I could find something in the topic I could relate to or be interested in, I could lose myself in learning about the subject. In those days, I had to troll through books and magazines, using the card catalog in the library. Besides learning things, I couldn't really be wrong in a research paper, unlike a multiple choice test. I got to pick out the specific aspects of the research topic to focus on (usually), and then it was just a matter of learning; snipping out quotes, details, and notes; and sewing it all together along one common theme.

God has given me the ability to see common themes more naturally than some. So I like this kind of work.

At the University of Texas, as a journalism major, I had the joy of a free subscription to a news industry database that you could search for newspaper and magazine articles by date, subject, title, etc. It was pretty clunky to use, if I recall. But I loved printing out background information for feature articles I was working on, and sometimes just mining it on a topic of interest when I didn't have an assignment.

Quickly after I graduated, the internet became an information powerhouse. I've fallen in love with the vastness of knowledge that I can access, so quickly, just by searching.

I am not limited to just what one library has on its shelves on a particular day. I don't have to go to a library for the research. I can pull all these pertinent tidbits, work my magic, and create a whole new creative piece.

Simplifile

2009-07-15T11:51:00.010-05:00

Yesterday, I stayed home from work sick with a migraine. I slept all morning. After I had lunch and leisurely finished the novel I was reading, I got a bit of energy. I've been inspired by another book I've been reading, Make Your Creative Dreams Real, by SARK. She has this brilliant concept called "micromovements". Basically, she says that we often get stymied in our goals because we have such big goals, and we need to break it into tiny steps that are achievable in up to 5 minute blocks. When we get going doing a micromovement, sometimes we'll get momentum and energy and desire to do a whole lot more.

Well, about two weeks ago, I decided to hit some micromovements towards organizing at home. Since I do so much filing at work, I don't like to deal with paperwork at home. Usually, I like to go through my active files once I have my taxes done, and cull out all the stuff from the previous year, and put it in an archive box. I still hadn't done that, and here it is 7 months into the "new" year!

I had a huge stack of "to file" as well. Kind of like this...

So here are the micromovements -

1st: go to "office", gather up "to file" piles and move them into living room.
2nd: roll file drawers to living room.

I think then it sat in the living room for a few days with no further progress.

3rd: gather up additional "to file" folders from desk and take to living room.
4th: while watching tv, use commercials to sort "to file" papers into appropriate stacks and throw out the obvious trash (used tissues, Sonic receipts, expired coupons and such like detritus). I did this for one show, and then put it all away again for a few days, because it was time to go to bed.

I don't think this is a micromovement, but it was a moving of the project - physically at least -
5th: neatly stacked papers on top of file drawers and move them to corner of living room so we could have people over.
At this stage, it could have gone bad - the file drawers and stack could have stayed there for 6 more months of "good intentions". I admit I was a little worried about that...

This brings us to yesterday. This was not a micromovement, but a giant wading into the project.

In my spate of energetic goodwill (you have to feel positive to tackle filing. Otherwise, it will bring you down down down) I pulled the drawer and various layers of paper, folders, mail, etc into the dining room where I have good light, can sit and spread out papers so I don't get cramped like when I'm on the floor in the living room, and where I'm close to good music and the cathartic presence of my parakeets. They like being in the action!

Kerry is blue with purple glimmers

Blythe is lightest yellow with teal

I went through each paper, refining my sorting piles, and finally putting satisfactory sheaths of papers into my file drawers' hanging folders.

A miracle of joy went through me when I got to the bottom of the file box and the mail bin! Woo hoo! Such a milepost!

I was a bit beat at that point, though. So I couldn't yet tackle the ultimate goal, that of pulling out all of 2008's papers and storing them.

After I rested from the cataloguing and filing for a few hours, I was ready to finish it up. I dug around the storage closet for my archive - a banker's box like this -
and carried it upstairs to the dining room. I got out my gallon size clear storage bags. Then I went through the files in the file drawers.

It's always a downer to see how your money has been spent over the past year, the inches thick stack of medical-related papers, maps to friends houses I don't see anymore, insurance booklets for insurance I wish I could pay for now but can't, receipts for things that have since broken.

But there is a cheering side, too - that I'm not needing to see all the doctors I was seeing because my migraines have become less frequent, maps from friends' visits remind me of great times we've had together, little notecards from people saying they're thinking about me, helpful articles I pull out to read.

I find that I have put off going through my maps folder for way too long! I have maps to friends houses in Orlando from five years ago! I have maps to people's houses and they've moved into new homes now. I have a load of "new to Nashville" information that I'd grabbed when I first got here...almost four years ago!

Thank God for recycling!

I happily wheeled my much lighter, leaner, cleaner file drawer back to the office and the EMPTY "to file" box and mail bin next to my desk.

DONE!

thanks to Microsoft Office clip art for all the FREE fun images...

A Color Smorgasbord

2009-07-09T10:37:00.009-05:00

(I just realized you can click on a picture in my blog and it will enlarge so you can see details!)

Last night, I picked my first bouquet from my garden! It is so much fun to have my own flowers gracing the house with their beauty. Here are some pics of them:

Aren't they happifying?

I also finally took some pics of some cards I made when I was hanging out with Katie the other night. I don't know how to take pics the best way, so these have a bit of glare I'd like to have avoided, but you can get an idea of them.

I had so much fun trying out some new ideas, lots of really great stickers, and stamps.

This one is done with dimensional stickers and some ribbon on a colored cardstock card. I used rubber stamps on the envelope and inside of the card with stickers - that's the second image:

Here is one with a "nature walk" theme - the owl is so cute!

With this one, I broke out some vellum tags I've had for a long time and hadn't figured out what to do with. I stamped the "for you" on it and then went over it with a fine tip marker. The rest are stickers!

Here is the inside:

Now this one is one of my favorites, but the lighting was just not working well. It's much cuter in person! It's very simple and the yellows are so happy! The sticker on the back of the envelope is raised and has a little black silhouette of a bird that matches the sticker on the front of the card. I again used one of the vellum tags. I put a silver grommet over the hole in the tag to match the frame of the tag.

Inside of the card...

Here is another fun yellow one - it uses one of my favorite stamps, a little bird with lots of flowers coming off it like star sparks as it flies! I kept it to a simple color scheme, yellow and a soft blue. I used a grommet on each corner to add some dimension to it. The rubber stamp on the envelope says "inspire":

And my last creation I just had fun with - I painted the background first in watercolors, then stamped the bird image, added grommets, and layered the whole thing with a soft lavender shade against the purple card. I feel like this one had so much peace about it.

Hopefully you'll be inspired to do some fun creative stuff yourself and share it!

The Food Chain

2009-07-08T16:54:00.002-05:00

Today, as I walked across the Vanderbilt campus on my daily mail run, out of my peripheral vision I saw a large wing flash. I wondered what bird I was seeing - I was pretty sure it was larger than a pigeon, and my instinct was that it was a bird of prey.

A little further along the path, and I saw a hawk on the ground near a tree, and when I noticed flashes of movement in the tree on the lowest limb, I noticed at least three more hawks excitedly looking down.

I looked around for their prey. I also saw another man on the path further along who had noticed the weird site, and we started to softly talk to each other. There was a squirrel on the side of the tree, only a few feet away from the hawk in the grass. His tail was like a rat's - all the fluffy hair had been taken off somehow. But he didn't look injured at all; I didn't see any blood.

So I cautiously walked a little closer - not wanting to scare the squirrel if it was hurt. The hawks flew off as I approached. There on the ground was a dead chipmunk. It had lacerations, but it wasn't clear if a hawk had attacked and killed it while it was alive, or if it had taken advantage of one that was already injured.

My coming closer allowed the squirrel to move away from immediate danger, at least.

The guy on the path and I were amazed to see that many hawks congregated together. It is a different kind of hawk than what I'm used to from my days in Texas. I looked online and I think they were either Cooper's Hawks or Sharp Shinned Hawks. The site did say that these hawks target other birds at bird feeder's - so that was something to note.

As I headed off for the mail, I told the other guy, "Well, we had our American Wildlife moment of the day!"

Artsy Sheltie

2009-07-01T13:34:00.012-05:00

Ever since I got Sean, I have become a big fan of Shelties. He's just the best dog! So in honor of my boy, and taking an idea from Katie's eye-candy blog post, I thought I'd highlight some really fun Sheltie arts from etsy.com. We'll see how many I can fit in one post!

First is this absolutely gorgeous watercolor Sheltie - it makes me want to learn how to capture the personality and joy of a dog in a painting:

another by the same artist - I see this pose a lot with Sean!

a lovely graphite pencil drawing of a Sheltie by Glenda S. Harlan - since it isn't in color, it looks more like Sean:

"Dawn" - Really cute painting of shelties looking over their domain at dawn by Todd Young - I love his other pictures too - he calls them "modern folk art" - so cool:

Poppies - another by him - I may have to get these two sometime!

I want to have Christmas cards made with this image, Sheltie's Tree also by Young:

Kudos for imagination and use of color

If I had a kid, I'd have this in their room. It's so detailed and colorful and imaginative and would allow for a lot of daydreaming. Actually, it's growing on me more and more!:

Party Sheltie - I don't think I would want this unless it was a card image, but it is very well executed, don't you think?

Dream Sheltie Collage - I wish the actual face image was done differently - it is a little spooky in this shade of red I think. But it's really a cool collage:

Well, I hope you enjoyed all the Shelties - don't you want to run out and foster a rescue or something? Me, too!

Cleaning for Less

2009-06-30T08:58:00.008-05:00

Did you know that you can do a lot of household cleaning using just baking soda or vinegar or a combo of both? I was looking online for a homemade dishwasher detergent, that would also be eco-friendly. I found that you can use half Borax and half baking soda, and put 2 T. of the mix in your dishwasher, and voila! Wow! How easy is that? They also suggested putting vinegar in the area you would put a rinse aid.

So, in case you would like to investigate these very cheap cleaning options, here is one site that was helpful (it throws in lemon juice as another inexpensive cleaning wonder):

http://housekeeping.about.com/od/environment/a/vinbaklemons.htm
A similar page, with links about cleaning with vinegar:
http://frugalliving.about.com/od/cleaningtipsandrecipes/a/Clean_Vinegar.htm

The other thing I like about this is that it is safe for people with allergies, who have trouble with the fumes of many chemical cleaners.

And, I found out that you can use Borax to dry flowers! Check this out:

Make your own dried flowers

Give your homemade dried flowers the look of a professional job. Mix 1 cup borax with 2 cups cornmeal. Place a 3/4-inch (2-centimeter) coating of the mixture in the bottom of an airtight container, like a large flat plastic food storage container. Cut the stems off the flowers you want to dry, then lay them on top of the powder, and lightly sprinkle more of the mixture on top of the flowers (be careful not to bend or crush the petals or other flower parts). Cover the container, and leave it alone for 7-10 days. Then remove the flowers and brush off any excess powder with a soft brush.

Fruit and Veggie Wash

And you can save by using this recipe (just water and vinegar, folks!) for a fruit and veggie wash - I saw on article (I think in Consumer Reports) showing it was more effective to use vinegar than a commercial spray!

Car Cleaning

I won't use these probably, because my car has no finish anymore to maintain, but you might like to see some easy and very cheap ways to maintain your car exterior:

http://frugalliving.about.com/od/affordabletransportation/tp/Car_Cleaner_Recipes.htm

I hope these are some helpful links and ideas for you!

Mesmerizing Personality and Scintillating Strengths

2009-06-26T09:33:00.007-05:00

Learn - and Celebrate - Who You Are

I love learning about personality. I've always felt very "different", and after studying personality types, I can see why - my type is really rare and often has trouble growing up with feeling different! It also helps me understand my friends, family members, and co-workers, who often think in such different ways than I do. It gives me insights into what stresses us out, how we might be able to bridge the communication gaps, and be more empathetic to each other.

I have become a big fan of the Myers Briggs type indicator and resources that describe personality using that instrument.

If you would like to delve into this interesting and always insightful subject, here are some favorite links:

http://www.myersbriggs.org

Overview of the personalities.

In case you wanted to read about ME :) Here is a portrait of an INFJ.

http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html  - this is a user-
friendly site with good descriptions and I think it helps you figure out what
your type might be.

I just got this book and it is so helpful. I've been looking for a book that dealt
with this subject forever. It is how our personality types warp under stress.
It can be a real life saver to read the parts pertaining to your type and those
who are closest to you -
Was That Really Me?: How Everyday Stress Brings Out Our Hidden Personality

A great book that helps people see what work tasks and environments might be
the most satisfying for their personality is: Do What You Are. 
Also great for counseling friends on career changes, or ways they can help their
current work situation be more enjoyable.

A blog that I like about MBTI (Myers Briggs) is here.

Which brings me to another area I love that is closely related - it's not
personality, but strengths.

I highly recommend anything by Marcus Buckingham. Especially
Now, Discover Your Strengths and the companion Go, Put Your Strengths To Work.
Here is the website for this set of books, with lots of interesting goodies on it.

My friends Katie and Brad found a book by another author that deals with this
same topic from a ministry perspective. But I don't remember what the name
of it is...

Enjoy!

How Does My Garden Grow?

2009-06-22T10:18:00.004-05:00

My garden is really making progress! I pulled off my first batch of collard leaves and cooked them up - they're not as large as the ones in the grocery store, but very tender. I saw my first blooms in the flower garden section - two zinnias - one purple and one orange. And I have a bunch of tomatoes coming on. One plant in particular is doing great - I think it is a Roma.

Sadly, my bell peppers, parsley, and yellow squash plants are still lagging behind. But the previous weekend I put compost on them, so hopefully they'll start to surge. I want lots of yummy bell peppers and squash!

About a month ago I repotted my herbs and moved them outside. After the inevitable wilting for a few weeks from the change, they are now doing great.

There is something that has infested my new rose bush and the one that was already at the house. I've been spraying them both with a herbicide/miticide/etc. I think they're doing better, but alot of damage has already been done. My first two blooms on my beautiful yellow rose are all crippled. Grrrrr.

I also have some geraniums coming up nicely in the front of the house - I can't wait for them to get big enough to bloom.

I had to severely prune my mature geraniums this weekend - they were so leggy and crazy and not blooming much at all. I'm trying to root some of the stalks I cut off - we'll see if that works. I've done it before, but I don't remember how long it takes to get roots growing.

Oh, and one sad update related more to the yard than the garden - the mower pooped out on me Saturday and I couldn't get it started again. I'm not sure what's wrong... Time to look online again.

Tower of Books from McKay's

2009-06-15T00:01:00.004-05:00

Here is my parakeet Kerry perched on the stack of books I bought yesterday at McKay's - a new-to-me used bookstore with books, audio books, CDs, DVDs, and games.

My friends Juli and Charity have raved about McKay's to me, (especially about their low prices) and although I couldn't visualize where it was located, I got in the car with hope on Sunday after church to find the land of bargain books.

I've pined for Half Price Books ever since I left Austin - it's where I went regularly to build my book & CD collection and forage for interesting gifts. So I was really excited to go check out this wonderland for bibliophiles. I've been getting really into reading again lately. This has only been spurred on as I've begun to read Nick Hornby's A Polysyllabic Spree (a MUST for book addicts). And, I had a few gifts I was looking for. That was my excuse. Wink, wink.

Most of the books in this pile were only 75 cents! The more popular or rare books by popular authors go up to around $6 or more. The CDs were less of a value - most were around $8 or $9, even old CDs, as long as they aren't scratched. I happened to find these three for $3 or less each, and they weren't scratched (Poi Dog Pondering, anyone?).

After three hours of browsing, my eyes crossed and my stomach shriveled with hunger, I finally made my way to the check out desk even though I hadn't seen half the store. And I still don't understand where to find most of the modern authors I am familiar with, like Jasper Fforde, Nick Hornby, Ian Samson, etc. The young adult section was pretty picked over - no luck for hardback Trixie Belden (a red-haired, independent, fiesty, horse-loving girl detective with the same initials - TB - as me) and Walter Farley (The Black Stallion series) titles which I have a growing collection of.

Of the stack I did purchase, I did buy three books to give as gifts - each one an old-fashioned treasure and I'm very excited to give! And the book I'm most interested in reading right away is Making Peace With Your Thighs: Get Off the Scales and Get On with Your Life. I spend way too much mental energy on body image. Maybe this will be a good "mental makeover".

They have a strong writing section worth checking out every so often. I allowed myself to splurge on a $6 copy of the book Rules of Thumb: 71 Authors Reveal Their Fiction Writing Fixations - a surefire book to generate creativity. It has great illustrations throughout as eye candy and further inspiration. And I love the happy green cover!

Best of all, there is still lots more to explore on other visits. Be sure to go - and bring a box or two to haul away your newfound treasures!

(Oh, and they also buy or trade books, cds, etc. That is on the agenda for next time I go!)

Black Hole Halo

2009-06-10T16:13:00.007-05:00

5-31-09

My birthday this year is bittersweet. I am 36. My mom was 36 when she was diagnosed with cancer. After three years of battling it, from 4th grade to 7th grade for me, she died. She had just turned 39. I wrote this as I processed once again about this loss and its effect on me. I know that unless you've experienced this kind of loss at an early age, you may not understand what it is like. Maybe this will help you understand a bit of what it is like. At least what it is like for me.

I look at the world through the tint of loss.

Loss that has damaged me, informed me, shaped me.

I may be happy and enjoying myself with friends, but loss lurks, my shadow. It never lets me forget my orphanism. There is a piece of me that continually feels lost, afraid, panicked, saying:

where is she?
where is home?
where is safety?
where is the one who loved me best?

My decisions are informed by my memories of what she liked, hated, was annoyed by, and celebrated.

I stand on the foundation of my mother, and am enveloped always in the cloud of her loss too early, when I was yet unformed, when I needed her, through years of missing her attention, her attentiveness, her smile and color and brilliance, the way she ate mangoes in the sunshine and ran her hands through my hair. (oh, her hands)

How do I explain this to others without sounding crazy? What I say here doesn't talk of all the hurt & pain & horror she caused me. I am writing today about her emblematic role as Mother, as source, as life-giver, as door-opener, as nurturer, as encourager, as permanently present, unshakably tied to me.

I lost my sense of home when she died, the little sense of it I had.

The sense that clung to the two houses of my memory -- our dear Dad-built house on Blackdairy Road & the happily yellow 2-story we lived in when I got chicken pox. I only lived in each house for a short time. Otherwise, we lived in temporary shelters that never felt like home. Somehow, though, these houses gave me a sense of home, of sturdiness, of security, of family, of togetherness, of connection.

The yellow house itself seems to me to rise up & put its arms around me & around the family & bless us with its sturdy roof & walls & floor & fence & trees. A talisman against the evil spirits that took over my mother like the ones that tormented Saul. The house speaks of safety & peace. It lived directly opposite the school I went to. I came home every day for lunches of soup & sandwiches with mom and I had a backyard with a swing to play & daydream in.

I ask myself:

Will I feel less lost when & if I one day own a house & put down deep roots & make it mine all over & thoroughly?

Will I feel less bereft when & if I marry & finally feel that someone else & I have a life-long connection of support & commitment & encouragement & thriving?

As one guy friend said so long ago,
'most of your problems would be solved by a long-term committed relationship.'

So right.
My mom was my first love relationship.
There is a part of my psyche that knows she should be around for the highlights of life, for milestone birthdays, for PMS, & so much more. But she slipped off to the country that I can't travel to until death or Jesus' return. And that deep soul loss resounds in my voice whether I'm talking out loud or just talking in my head. That loss colors every sight I see. That loss scents & texturizes my world.

My spirit - that child within - still sobs & is looking for her mommy.

The grown woman is still somber & looking for home.

Watches

2009-06-10T15:32:00.008-05:00

Watches

5-29-09

do you suppose
on the day
man fell
God gave man
a watch
as well as clothes?
because
time
--with it's deadlines
and 'be there' and 'do this'
and 'go now' mandates
and meeting starts
& never ends
all its artificiality
(surely just as put on as clothing) --
was part of the curse.
because
--when i come home
and
rest
free from demands made
free from performance reviewage
free of expectations upon me
where i am supposed
to be
superman
--
i strip off
my watch
and my clothes
close my eyes
breathe slow
scratch
unmentionable places
and feel
the curse slip away
for the next few hours.

*note: my poetry is usually formatted, but I can't arrange it in blogger.

Conqueress and Deal Diva

2009-06-09T21:09:00.008-05:00

I wish I'd written this last night, when the glow was still fresh, and I wasn't frowzy and fuzzy-headed and in need of coffee, as I am now. But, I'll try to recapture the glory!

Deal Diva

I've been looking for a used lawnmower - cheap - for Missy and I. At the rental house we're in, we have a front, back and side yard. And we've been unable to keep it up to neighborly standards because we lack this crucial piece of equipment.

Last week, I found a mower on Craigslist, as part of a garage sale that weekend. I emailed to find out what they were asking, and they said $10, it ran great, but that it didn't start very well.

I decided it was worth dragging myself out of bed around 5 am to get to the sale as soon as it started (6:30 am!) to see if the mower would work for us. I lined up borrowing a truck later in the day (I mentioned the truck in my first post).

Saturday morning saw me putting Sean in the car in the wild hopes that after securing the lawn mower to pick up later that day, we'd go for a nice walk at the park next to the Brentwood Library off Concord Road. We drove over to Brentwood, found the garage sale, and the mower looked like a good bet for only $10.

The owner told me what happens when he tries to start it, and said it seems like the carburetor.

I didn't end up taking Sean for a walk - instead, I went to Cracker Barrel and had a good breakfast. I was starving! And then we went home and napped. I really believe in lots of sleep on the weekends!

Mechanically Challenged

Those of you who have been roommates before know that I have a tendency to tackle mechanical things and have them tackle me right back, and I end up having to call in some engineering-minded guy friend to finish the job.

This makes me extremely frustrated. Why can't a reasonably intelligent woman master simple mechanical fixes around the house, car, etc? Sometimes it's just a matter of not having enough strength, needing an extra pair of hands to do the job, needing special tools, or because a simple job gets a hitch making it really complicated (ask me about how my decision to install my own car battery - a very simple operation - turned into a 6 month ordeal with multiple mechanics and friends). But I still get frustrated.

I think this is because growing up, I got used to my dad's ability to fix anything (or at least MacGyver it), and had a huge selection of tools and equipment at his disposal. Need to weld something? No problem. Need to grind it down? Got it. Need an air compressor? No sweat. Now, I didn't use the heavy equipment in his shop (I don't want you picturing me in a welding helmet), but I could always ask him to help me with a project, and voila, we had most everything we needed right at hand.

OK, the other reason I get frustrated is because I'm pretty independent, and somehow, I think I should be able to do all these things, even without any prior experience. Prideful, huh? Makes me think of Mike's sermon this past Sunday on humility...

Anyway, I looked up a helpful article about lawnmower maintenance and everything looked do-able. But given my dubious track record, I was almost certain I'd tinker away and the end result would be me covered in grease, crying and yelling in frustration, and a lawnmower that still didn't work.

But there was still a sliver of hope that I would prevail!

And guess what? I did! I mixed all the right stuff into the gasoline, cleaned out the air filter, etc, and though it still needs the air filter lid to be open in order to start, it started well. And maybe the gas concoction will keep working to clean out the engine so that it will work even better in the future. I was so elated that I immediately tackled the side yard, even though it was dusk.

While I was mowing, I noticed that one side of the handle was dangling - a screw was lost. So, I ferretted around Missy's miscellaneous screw box, and even repaired that!

I finished mowing the side yard and it was dark - so I'm not sure if I got everything - but I felt high on adrenaline and excitement that for ONCE, I conquered a mechanical challenge, AND, we only spent $10 to get a lawnmower!!! WOO HOO!

When Imagination and Extreme Talent Converge

2009-06-09T16:48:00.003-05:00

I saw this on Facebook and had to share. I've been wondering how this commercial was constructed since seeing it the first time. Now, I'm even more amazed at the intricacy, artistry, imagination and skill used to create this commercial.

It reminds me so much of the heart of Threads, the ministry I was part of launching at LifeWay, and the organic soulishness of my generation.

Enjoy! And hopefully, be inspired!

Join me on Goodreads.com!

2009-06-09T13:06:00.003-05:00

rIf you are into reading like I am, I recommend this site - Goodreads.com. You can see my list of books (just being built) at the link above. My friend Juli turned me on to this site, after we'd had lost track of time talking about books we love whenever we hung out.

It has nice functionality - allowing you to post titles to your "bookshelves" on Goodreads.com directly from Amazon, for example, and automatically update facebook with new books you review on the Goodreads.

I'm enamored this morning of the quotes section. I've already looked up a bunch of e.e. cummings quotes. You'll be seeing more of those soon...

Take a look - and explore around - there is a lot here, and I'm just discovering the possibilities myself.

Weekend snapshots...books and boobs

2009-06-08T14:13:00.005-05:00

So, here are some stories from my weekend -

One
My dear friends the Rushes lent me their truck so I could pick up a used lawnmower on Saturday. It was so much fun to drive the truck around in contrast to my little Tercel. But, on the way to their house, I-40 was shut down, so traffic slowed to a crawl as lanes merged. From the corner of my eye, I noticed an SUV next to me with a piece of paper taped in the backseat passenger window. I glanced over to see what it was. In badly written pen and ink, it said, "HONK IF YOU LIKE BOOBS". I looked slightly behind the paper, and there was the smirking teenage boy who had put it up. He was so smugly sure of his hilarity and his parents' ignorance of his crassness as they sat in the front seat. Hopefully at some point he'll learn that this is not the best way to get attention or to admire the female form. It was funny, but also made me give lots of kudos to the people who are trying to parent teenagers.

Two
I cannot be trusted in a used book store.

I went to Bookman/Bookwoman after church to search for a present for my nephew Clint who just turned 18. I've been in a quandery about what to buy him, because I want it to be something meaningful and semi-permanent. Eighteen is a big year after all! But, we have such different tastes, and I don't want to completely miss him by giving him something that completely isn't him.

So I went to the animal/explorer/naturalist section of the store.

This is dangerous. Because I am so greedy to learn about animals myself. I quickly had a stack of five books for me, two for my dad, and two for Clint.

One was a 1950 edition of the Audubon field guide to birds with beautiful color illustrations. I really wanted it just for the vintage illustrations.

I narrowed my stash down with pain, but still spent a lot more on me than on Clint!

I found an old, large book of wild animal stories for kids with full color illustrations that are gorgeous. I can't wait to get some kids to sit still long enough for me to share them. (Katie - think the boys would like to hear them? I may need to babysit soon!) I might scan an image or two and post them so you can all see them.

Then, I got the second book in a series from a horse rescue ranch called Proud Spirit. My friend Beth gave me the first book last year and I loved it. The author shares stories about some of the horses they have rescued - what their abusive past was like, how they were rescued, and how they were rehabilitated in the peace and freedom of Proud Spirit. What I'm really amazed at is her husband! What an example of a generous spirited man.

The third and final book I allowed myself was James Herriott's Dog Stories. I can't wait to indulge in these stories and hug Sean afterwards.

Oh, 'and what did I get for Clint?' you ask?

I found two books for him. One is an illustrated collection of wild animal stories by Ernest Thompson Seton, who was one of the founders of the Boy Scouts, and an amazing artist and naturalist. It was called something like Animals I Have Hunted, which I thought would appeal to my nephew, who is very into hunting and fishing.

The other is Wild Thoughts from Wild Places. It looks very intriguing. It's a collection of essays from the author's experiences. These quotes from reviews on Amazon, where it garnered 5 stars, make me want to read it, too! I hope they offer new landscapes for his mind and increase his knowledge of the wild world he loves:

From why so many zoos have white tigers to how whitewater resembles the human heart, David Quammen sees what the rest of us don't. Even better, he knows how to write lucidly about it.

and

I picked up 'Natural Acts' at the library's paperback book-swap. I only grabbed it because the first few pages seemed a bit humorous and witty. Upon further review, I realized that I was dealing with no ordinary author (if any of them can be called ordinary).
David Quammen has an unparalleled flair for putting nature in its place. By the end of 'Natural Acts' you'll be happily convinced that this world is as mystical and comical as you thought it was.
Some of my favorite topics in the book include (in my own words): The (exaggerated)Size of Anacondas, The Intelligent Crow, Why Are There So Many Damned Beetles?, and that whole 'Why Would Someone Drink Their Own Urine?' thing.
'Natural Acts' is a very intelligent and hilarious look at nature. I routinely recommend this book to anyone I find remotely interested in science.